Shan here; founder and creator of the online discussion Sober in the Country. A place where we are simply encouraging mates in the bush to make it socially acceptable to say no thanks to a beer. Why? Because some of our mates are not doing so great – and, some are dying from a private and very horrific disease called alcoholism.
Yep, the ‘’A’’ word is a thing. It’s real, and it happens. Everywhere. All the time.
And as a person who nearly died from this very thing .. and literally nobody knew ... I am simply raising awareness, through everyday yarns, for the sake of others. And because there's not even close to enough in the way of services, support, of help for working Aussies. But that's another dog and another fight..
Anyhow - I go into bat for good people so that they can recover from addiction and get help with the full support and encouragement of their mates rather than an endless barrage of questions, demands, and copious amounts of never.ending.shite from those who simply might not understand how incredibly hard-to-pick and seriously frightening and complex the high-functioning end of the addictions spectrum is.
So, with that in mind – I am now moving straight from the serious introduction and into the silly stuff.
Without further ado; I'd like to introduce a new and ridiculous game to social media:
It’s called (drum roll please) ....
Boring Sober Bastard Bingo ! (aka - Bingo)
And it's in honour of all of us who have to pretty much constantly explain/defend/justify our choice to be less pissed or entirely sober.
Here’s how you play: every single time you see people making mean comments on social media or in real life about you or somebody who chooses to have less - or SHOCK, HORROR! - no beers, you have to shout and/or type in capital letters: BINGO!
And then, have a chuckle to yourselves, tag a sober friend, and let it go. Because otherwise you will quite possibly cry at the staggering ignorance.
Also, because I love you - I have shared some responses and handy one-liners ....
Here some of the top offenders are:
''You used to be fun!''
> Aw, geez, sorry that I am no longer humiliating myself on a regular basis and being the talk of the small town for your own personal entertainment. *hangs up naked dancing boots*
‘’One won’t kill ya’!’’
> erm … ah … well, actually … yeah, about that .... it actually kind of MIGHT … because a chronic alcoholic who has ‘’just one’’ will possibly end up having ‘’just a few dozen’’ and they are likely to then relapse and die. So yeah – nah. Feel free to STFU about that suggestion.
‘’You only live once!’’
> erm, yeah, cheers - THIS is entirely kinda' the entire point of my life-and-death choice to put health first *snort* ... so I'll probably just go ahead and rest my case your honour. I’ll try make it to a ripe old age minus cirrhosis and early onset dementia, thanks all the same.
‘’Are you knocked up?’’
> no, just no. Women do not need you asking this.
Ever. Believe me, if they’re ‘’knocked up’’ you will know all about it.
Until then – STFU. Seriously.
‘’Are you drinking water on PURPOSE?’’
> no mate, it’s laced with acid. Stand back and watch what happens next....
‘’Are you on a health kick?’’
> why, yes, thank you for asking - my name is also in fact now Moonlight Triviata Magnificento, and I shall read your palm for just $500 .. step on up, bitches!
‘’You must be fun at parties…’’
> no comebacks for this - but an automatic slap in the face with a wet fish applies if you say this & you’re anybody with either an education or a brain who is actually over the age of eighteen ...
‘’How do you even HAVE fun?’’
> multiple ways, bro' – all of which are the same as you – we just happen to enjoy the strange concept of remembering all the stuff the next day and we also don’t end up in handcuffs or covered in mystery bruising or apologising to mates or trying to construct a crime-scene to figure out where we went, what we did and how we got home ...
‘’Ya’ can’t trust a bloke who says no to a beer!’’
> really? Have a think about who can’t be trusted here…. Carn, lads .. have a REAL think about it.
‘’We’ve all got bets on how long THIS alcohol free phase you're on is actually gunna’ last!!’’
> ask yourself this : are you friend, or foe?
Ask yourself again.
Now go slap yourself in the face with a wet fish either way for being such a butthead.
‘’What kind of an Aussie ARE YOU?’’
> Um ... I guess the kind who lives in Australia, but a sober one?
What – must I be deported for this heinous mortal sin?
*grabs shackles and shuffles towards convict ship*…
‘’Congratulations officer, I hear you’ve joined the fun police!’’
*grabs police-issue-baton and begins dancing like proper crazy-person to Nutbush City Limits*
> seriously though, file this under ''not allowed to use these words unless you're younger than 18.
Basically, growing up is the only solution left here.
‘’But this is temporary, right?’’
> nah, bro. For the elevnteeth million time; it's for good.
My life is ‘’temporary’’ if I drink. Must we discuss this again?
*sighs and prepares to defend choice to save own life/marriage/health again... *
''What are you GAY now?''
> probably be easier if I was ... at least that's socially acceptable.
*rolls eyeballs and grabs wet fish and prepares for action*
''I don't want to hang out anymore - you're boring (sober)''
>thank GOD you said it first! See ya. I am outta here. You're boring (drunk).
*gleeful exit, stage left*
The moral of this silly post?
Think, before you speak - that's the point.
Support your mates ... it isn't that hard .... just be a good mate.
REPEAT AFTER ME:
SOBER DOESN'T MEAN BORING.
BORING MEANS BORING.
IT'S OKAY TO SAY NO THANKS TO A BEER ... AND IT'S OKAY IF SOMEBODY SAYS NO THANKS TO A BEER. NOBODY WILL DIE. BUT THEY JUST MIGHT IF BEER IS INVOLVED AND THEY'RE AN ALCOHOLIC. are you getting this yet????
Chief Boring Sober Bastard, Chocolate & Caffeine Addict
On behalf of all other boring sober bastards xxx